The announcement by the NCAA and many other sports organizations and school districts that spring seasons are cancelled effective immediately sent many of us into a tailspin. WHAT?? WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

I was working on a project when that familiar “dah dah dah” chime from my ESPN app led to a message sealing the fate of thousands of student athletes. These are kids who dreamed their whole lives of playing on the big stage, who have sacrificed vacations and sleep in the pursuit of their dreams. Parents who leveraged tenable positions to afford these opportunities no doubt had that roller coaster riding pit in their stomachs this morning as they faced the reality that their son or daughter would not be on the field. For some, never again.

As a collegiate lacrosse official and the parent of 4 Division 1 athletes, I feel your pain. Many many times, I escaped the stress of everyday life and burdens by watching my daughters play lacrosse for their high school and college teams or officiating a game. I guarantee that more than once, I put my eggs in their baskets, indirectly relying on their performance to make my life feel validated, my decisions feel validated, my mothering feel validated. I have grown up since then.

I was slated to officiate over 60 lacrosse games this spring—a mix of high school and college games—all up and down the east coast. Now, I fear my husband is going to ask me to paint the guest bathroom this weekend instead. We, the lacrosse and the broader sports community, are in mourning. Let me offer an alternative to the conversations about loss that will no doubt flood the internet and the airwaves today. Tell your kids they are more than their sports career.

“It’s not all about lacrosse…” I can’t tell you how many times I have heard that in recruiting meetings, from other parents, from coaches. But—we have done a disservice to our student athletes. We have stood by silently and not-so-silently clad in their team colors, waving our pom poms, while we allowed our kids to choose majors to fit their sports schedules, choose universities based on athletic prominence over educational experiences, and put their bodies at risk when they were already breaking.

This is an opportunity for all of us to sit down with our kids and lay it all out. “You are more than your sports career.” Help them develop pivoting skills. There is an entire world out there just waiting for their dedication to craft, their ability to work as a team, and time management skills that come from playing sports. They will be stars in life if they are allowed to believe their worth is not dependent on stats and athletic stature. Tell them it’s not about you. Tell them it’s not a hardship on you to cancel your trips to their games. Tell them you are happy to spend some extra family time with them. They are stressed to the max. The uncertainty of their futures is weighing on them. Many of them have lost their Senior Days. Some have been told graduation is no longer an in-person event. Many of them never set foot on the field in a game after working so hard. Be kind. It’s not about you.

To the student-athletes who have been dealt this blow, we understand. We grieve with you. We are sorry for making your position on a team more important than who you are as a person. We are here for you. We will do better and it starts now.

Lauren Faby, CCXP, is a Realtor with John R. Wood Properties in Naples, Florida. She is also a Collegiate Women’s Lacrosse Official and is a Certified Trainer and Observer for US Lacrosse. Follow Lauren on Instagram: @forsalenaples or @laurenbethfaby